crying

I wish I could take it back, even for only a day. I can pretend I’m over it all as much as I want but the fact of the matter is that I’m not, I never will be and I never want to be. He’s the only person who made me feel like a human worth loving, even though I was horrible to him, even though I pushed him away with all the stupid shit I dis. I wish I could take it back or at least prove to him that I’ve changed. But I know he’s too stubborn to give me another chance, I just know it.

I fucked up soo much, and I know I did. I don’t even know why I was so insecure. I was stupid and naive, scared that someone I loved so much would hurt me... but I am hurting... only... I have myself to blame.

He was nothing but good to me and I tried to put him in a little box, keep him to myself and away from the world. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I regret it with all my heart and the day he left me, the moment he walked out of my life I made a promise to change. I’ve done that. I’m more understanding, more wise and less controlling.

I just want another chance to prove myself, and the only slice of hope that I’m clinging onto is when he said “I think we’ll be like my brother and his partner you know. We’ll be on and off, but we’ll pull through and have a family oneday.”
But hey, a girl can dream right?