hurting

Uhg, have you ever felt so low and pathetic you just want to sit in a dark room with nothing but a blanket, a pillow and a big fat bottle of vodka. I remember why I don’t like going out, after today. I feel soo average and ugly. I sit there looking at everyone else, they fit in, they’re attractive, and they’re stylish. Then I look at me and I’m frumpy and boring, the way I see it I have nothing to offer. Then having to watch all those girls made me think of all his ex girlfriends. All young, all gorgeous, perfect skin and complexion, stylish clothes, loads of money, not to mention popular. And here’s me, occasionally spotty skin, pale as a ghost, tall and thin, barely any money at all (if none) and a close knit group of friends.

I’m starting to think I haven’t the slightest chance with him at all, but I must fight, I WANT to fight. Because he really does mean something to me. I got so torn up when he had to go through those relationships, not because I wanted him for myself, but because he got so hurt. They didn’t deserve him, or treat him half as good as they should have, or I would have.
I hate it so much, and it hurts when I don’t talk to him or hear from him... I just... can’t give up.